Visit my new site here.
Visit my new site here.
I am trying out a new blogging space. I am not sure yet if I will move my blog there but this morning when I wanted to post I decided to post there.
So if you want to read that post…go here.
And while you are there let me know if you like the look of the new blog…it is rough and not very exciting but I think I am really liking it.
First it must be the day of a school field trip. On a small bus with very loud classmates and a bus driver who thinks blasting pop radio stations is awesome.
Then you must walk through a butterfly house where there is potential for flying insects to land on you…and you really kind of want it to happen but are totally freaked when they actually almost fly into you.
Next you should eat outside in the wind and cold.
Add in some classmates who can’t seem to follow directions and a couple of frazzled teachers.
Then ride that crazy bus back to school.
No nap is a must.
Then to really REALLY make the day extra special you should have a HUGE fire in the alley next to work which causes people to rush around moving cars and calling the fire department. A BIG fire that ends up setting the convenient store next to your shop on fire as well…and this should be a beloved convenient store that your children refer to as “the chocolate milk store”. Make sure they visit said store less than 20 minutes before the fire.
Add in a melted shopping cart that completely upsets one child and the worry that all the ice cream in the store will now melt.
Then go to t-ball practice.
Yes…yes this was our day. Stress and overstimulation to the max. Dean keeps telling me he doesn’t want any more fires. Emory keeps telling me it was a real emergency and that real emergencies are scary.
Nothing like a bit of real life fire safety! Fortunately everything is okay and they are sleeping and we are hoping tomorrow is a much calmer day.
I have a huge post I started Saturday that I was going to post on Sunday about taking part in Non-Judgement Week.
Then I never finished it because…well I don’t even remember at this point.
The idea of Non-Judgement Week was to take a break from judging others. We all do it. We gossip about friends and family. We roll our eyes at other parents in the grocery store. We make judgements of people based on how they look or what they wear (or don’t wear). I would be willing to bet you don’t even notice how much time you spending judging others. I sure didn’t think about.
But I liked the idea of refraining from judging others for a week. Judgement of others feels mostly negative. We don’t like the way someone else does something or we don’t have the same beliefs or values. I am spending so much of my energy working towards letting go of stress and living more simply and letting go of judgement seemed like it fit right in.
I had serious doubts that I would make it an entire week without judging. And I cannot honestly say I haven’t had any judgmental thoughts since Sunday. But I have been mindful of my thoughts. I have thought twice before making statements about others. And I have stopped many judgmental thoughts before I even finished forming them.
I have focused on having a kind heart and an open mind. I have listened to what others are saying without immediately starting to think about what I want to say or how I do or do not agree. It has made a difference in my week.
Awhile back I saw a quote on Facebook,
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road does not mean they are lost. ~ Dalai Lama
Now, I have no idea if the Dalai Lama actually said this…you can’t always trust the internet! But it is the idea that is important. I have thought about this quote constantly this week…and really since I read it. The things that work for me….for my family…are the things that work for us. It is okay if we are all taking a different path. Sometimes those paths cross and maybe even merge for a bit. We can learn from watching other people on their own paths. And the great thing about a path is that we can always take a shortcut across the field to a new path if the one we are on isn’t working for us anymore. It is okay to change our minds as we learn and grow and experience.
The other part about this week for me was taking a break from judging myself…of comparing myself to others…of not being kind to me. This has been a much more difficult challenge. But I am hoping that as I focus on having a kind heart and an open mind towards others, it will trickle down to me.
And then there was today’s quote…
The way that other people judge me is none of my business. ~ Martha Beck
I haven’t finished processing this idea…but it feels big…and significant…and the next step.
"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." ~Maya Angelou—
Tiny Buddha (@tinybuddha) March 13, 2013
I haven’t been writing regularly. There are plenty of reasons but the biggest is that when I sit down to write I stare at the screen for a bit and then sigh and get up again.
I feel like I have been sucked under by life…like my life is a huge ocean and the undertow is just too strong and I am fighting to get back to the surface. Life is this huge balancing act and I have been struggling with that balance. In the past I would let myself get lost in the internet…I would blog and read and waste tons of time.
But this time I have lost myself to other things. Things that probably feed my soul much better. Mom and I started knitting. We haven’t been able to go to class in over a month because of Nathan’s work schedule but I sit and knit almost every night. And then there is quilting. I finally took a deep breath and machine quilted a practice quilt for the boys. It is a cute alphabet print panel that I added a border to. The idea was to practice quilting on something that wasn’t really important but I was so nervous to. Then one day I sat down and did it and realized I had worked myself up over nothing. And then I bound the quilt. I had been discouraged from binding because “it was hard”…but it wasn’t hard. It just takes time…and I don’t mind spending the time because it looked so amazing when I was finished. Currently I am working on finishing a quilt that I started quite awhile ago. And I have been working on photos a bit here and there. And there is some internet research. And home organization and planning of curtain making.
Every time I think about blogging it usually has something to do with one of the boys and their struggles or therapy. Only I am not sure how much I feel comfortable sharing anymore. They are getting older and suddenly some of the things we go through feel very personal. So I struggle…not knowing exactly what I want to share anymore.
But I feel like I am losing so much. This blog is my record of things…my journal. For awhile the blog was entirely about the boys…life was entirely about the boys. Their struggles, their therapy is part of that massive undertow. Don’t get me wrong. I am a firm believer in putting my children first. I had children for a reason and being their mommy is the best and most important job I have. I don’t like the idea of “me time”. I had “me time” before them and one day they will be grown and I will have all the “me time” I wish to have. Now is about them. But maybe it has been a bit too much about them. I have to find that balance. Taking care of them will still be dominate in my life…but maybe, just maybe there is some time in there for me too…and for Nathan.
Every night that I sit and knit or quilt or feed my creative self I feel myself pulling against the undertow. I feel myself getting stronger.
I feel like it is important to figure this all out because we have made a huge decision. A decision that will completely change our lives. A decision that could completely suck me under if I let it. But I won’t let it…because the decision is exciting and fulfilling and purposeful.
I am determined that spring break will be a time of renewal for me. I am determined that the undertow of the beginning of the year will not continue. I am swimming. I am finding balance.
Last Thursday, after therapy and playing outside, Dean came in the house and took off his shirt. Because that is what Dean does…
From across the room I noticed something on his back and I asked him if he had hurt his back. He had no idea what I was talking about so I went in for a closer inspection. He had this large, puss-filled bump on his back and then I noticed another one one on the back of his shoulder. My first thought was staph because it would be really strange to have random bug bites on his back under his shirt and at this time of year. Besides it didn’t look like a bug bite. So I immediately freaked out because…staph?!?! MRSA?!?! Thank you so much informative posters on staph infections at the training room.
Nathan told me to call the doctor so I did. He thought it was strange and told me to take him to the pediatric after-hours place to be checked out. Because if it was staph it was better to get started early.
The doctor at the pediatric after-hours place thought it might be staph…but then she said it was kind of presenting like shingles. Shingles?!?! WTH?!? So then she decided to lacerate the big bump on his back to have it tested for MRSA (you know…the big bad of the staph world). Only…nothing came out of the bump. It was so very strange. She said it wasn’t behaving like staph should. Then we noticed about 5 other bumps that had suddenly popped up under his arm in like with the ones on his back. She mentioned shingles again but thought that the chances of that were very slim…considering he is 4 1/2 and has his immunizations.
So we left with a prescription for some antibiotic staph ointment and were told to follow up with our doctor. When I put the ointment on him that night he totally started freaking out about the pain…which I thought was strange.
Nothing seemed worse Friday morning so I sent him to school. Then I called the doctor to see what he wanted us to do. He wanted to see us of course. So that afternoon Dean and I headed back to the doctor. After a short look the doctor said he definitely had shingles and prescribed an antiviral.
I was totally dumbfounded. I mean…he has his immunizations including the chicken pox one. Doesn’t that mean he is safe from this sort of thing? Well…apparently not. Plenty of kids still get chicken pox even with their immunization. They are just really mild cases or even sub-dermal cases that have no visible signs. This means, for him to have shingles, he had to have had chicken pox at some point and we didn’t even know it. Having chicken pox without knowing it is rare enough. But being 4 years old and getting shingles…super extra duper rare. AND I sent him to school on Friday with a contagious case of shingles! Mother-of-the-year award right there.
The good thing is that because he has had his immunizations the case of shingles should be mild (which it is). Also, all the other kids at school have had their immunizations so the chance of them getting chicken pox from Dean is extremely unlikely. The biggest danger is to pregnant women, infants and others who haven’t had their immunizations, or people who had never had chicken pox. Plus his leisons were covered which makes it even more safe.
He has responded well to the antiviral and probalby could have gone back to school today. But I kept him out just because…I feel really bad about Friday! For a bit on Saturday I was concerned that Emory had chicken pox…but that was me being paranoid and Emory having bad dry skin right now.
So there you go….you can get chicken pox even if you have had the shot. You can have it so mild no one would ever even know. And yes, you can get shingles even if you are 4 1/2 and all the commercials for shingles feature people MUCH older than 4. As for what brought it on…maybe that horribly stressful t-ball practice last Wednesday….but we will never really know!