Last night I jogged 3 blocks! That is up one block from my last update on jogging.
But even better?
I discovered that my iPod has a stop watch on it and that a simple click of the middle button puts a marker on it. So I can push the button when I start my jogging and then push it again when I stop jogging. This way I can keep up with how many minutes I am actually jogging. I think that I like this better than adding blocks.
My goal is to jog 30 seconds longer each night. That doesn’t seem like alot but in a mere 4 nights I will have added 2 minutes to my total jog time. Once again, it doesn’t seem like alot, but for me it is huge. My 3 blocks last night was about 2 minutes and 30 seconds. That isn’t much but it is so much better than a month ago.
I am feeling stronger and feeling better about myself. I have a long way to go but I will get there…even if it is only 30 seconds at a time!
I was getting the bedtime bottles ready when Emory decided to finish “brushing” his teeth in the hall outside the bathroom.
I wasn’t paying attention to him because Nathan was taking care of getting the ready for bath time.
Then I heard Nathan say, “Wow that is alot of slobber.” (They tend to drool ALOT when they brush their teeth. It literally runs down Emory body like like your turned on the faucet.)
I was leaving the kitchen to put the bottles on the sofa and saw what Nathan saw. I knew there was WAY to much liquid on the floor to be spit. I knew immediately he had peed on the floor (thank goodness for the wood floors AGAIN).
At the same exact moment I watched Emory bend down and start swishing his hands in it and quite enjoying playing in it. He loves water and to him this was just water on the floor. Nathan got to him right as he got down to actually lick it. (At Ava’s birthday party a couple of weekends ago there was water on the ground and he wanted to taste it. He loves water. He actually got down on the ground and started licking the concrete before I could get to him.)
All I could do was laugh at Emory and at Nathan. To think he thought our son could actually drool enough to make a huge puddle on the floor. Just too funny!
The boys have decided to drop a second nap. Try as we might they just won’t take an afternoon nap. Their only nap is quite reliable. They nap everyday from 9am until 11am or 12 pm. I am assured of a 2-3 hour nap. But then when we try the afternoon nap around 3pm they fuss and play and never fall asleep.
But I don’t think they are ready for only one nap a day. They have been so cranky and down right annoying lately. They fuss and whine and throw fits. It is clear that they are tired and need more sleep.
So, I moved back bed time. If there isn’t going to be an afternoon nap then bedtime is now 6pm instead of 7pm. We have been doing this for several nights now and it seems to be getting a little better. And they don’t even seem to notice it is an hour earlier. They are tired and go right to sleep and even sleep a little later in the morning than usual. I would love for a solid 12 hours at night instead of only 10. I think it would really help them. We are getting there.
The boys need me. They need me a tiny amount less than they needed me last year at this time. This year they can move around on their own and hold their own bottles. But that is about it. Life without me would be bad.
But last night as Dean laid his head on me and fell back to sleep I realized just how much I need them. Never before had I thought about my need for them. My life is focused on their needs. But as my baby snuggled against me last night I realized that I am pretty sure I would stop breathing if one of them was missing my from life.
I need their smiles and giggles. I need their hugs. I need to watch Dean find the most microscopic piece of dirt on the floor and inspect it then eat it. I need to watch Emory lick water off Carole’s concrete patio (an actual incident that took place at Ava’s birthday party last Saturday). I need Dean to cling to me as though his whole world will crash down if he lets go. I need to watch Emory carry one gold fish cracker in each hand while he crunches one with his teeth in his mouth. I need to watch Dean carry around one gold fish cracker that he licks for 5 minutes before deciding it is too soggy so he promptly drops it and comes to me for another one. The are so many things that I need from them.
Sometimes as I crawl into bed at night this intense longing grips me. I have to fight the pull to get out of bed and get one of the boys and cuddle them close to me in bed. I need to feel their soft baby skin and hear their soft breath. I need to smell their baby smell and feel a small body pressed against mine. It seems like when the feeling is most intense we end up with one of the boys in bed. It is like they know that I am needing them and because of that one of them needs me more than normal. Maybe it is some mother-child connection that we have. Last night was one of those nights. Dean woke up screaming at about 10pm. Nathan got him and he immediately crawled to me, laid his head down, and fell right to sleep. He stayed with us for about an hour and a half. Then he got a little restless and Nathan took him back to his crib and he slept soundly the rest of the night.
I guess we just needed each other last night for a little while.
The scary part about this need? One day, when they are 10 or 14 or 17, they won’t need me as much anymore. But I am pretty sure my need for them will never diminish. I am sure that my need for them will only grow the longer I know them. And while I love to watch them grow up and discover new things and become more independent, suddenly I am faced with this new knowledge of how much I need them. And it makes me feel a little sad to see them grow up. Because I know that one day they won’t need me like I need them.
But I won’t worry about it quite yet. For now they need me as much as I need them and I will store away every single memory and feeling I can so that one day when they don’t need me so much I can remember when they did.
Awhile back I posted that I had started jogging. I could jog one whole block. Nathan laughed. I felt like it was a huge accomplishment. I was sidelined for about the last two weeks. First I was kind of sickly and coughing and such and then I had a headache that lasted 5 days and blah blah blah.
But this week I have been back on track walking and jogging and feeling good. I am happy to say that I am up to two blocks! Not two blocks straight but two blocks during my nightly 30-40 minute walk. I jog one block and I don’t feel like dropping dead in the street. I walk fast for another block and then I jog the next block. After that block I feel like falling down in the street. But I don’t. I keep going and finish my walk.
It feels good. It feels like accomplishment. I feel stronger. I know I am stronger because I can see proof of it as I can jog longer and increase my distance every few nights. I am going to win this battle with myself.
That about sums up how I feel right now…
The boys are beginning to understand things I say to them or ask them to do. I know they understand the word, no. They always stop what they are doing and move on to something else. They used to cry when I told them no but they don’t really do that any more. Now they only cry if my tone seems different, like if I suddenly see them going for something or about to do something that I am afraid will hurt them. I think my tone scares them more than they are upset. It isn’t like I yell or anything but it is just different from my usual no. In those moments they cry and hurry to me for a reassurance. I always tell them that I am so proud they listened to me and followed directions. They never go back to what they were doing…at least any time soon!
I know they understand a few other things. They know the word sit. They hear it often during bath time and sometimes when they want to be on the sofa. We don’t stand on the sofa! They know the word stop is similar to no.
I am not sure that they understand, “Let’s go brush our teeth” or if they just know their routine. I know know if they understand, “I’m gonna get you” or if they run and laugh because our tone is teasing and we chase after them. They love that game.
I know that slowly but surely they are figuring out the world. They might not say any words but they know words.
At work, the table we use for a changing table is on the wall with the light switch and alarm pad. Dean loves to stand up after he is changed to push the buttons on the alarm pad. The alarm isn’t set up and he can’t really push them hard enough to do much anyway so we let him. Today, after I had changed him he waned to push the buttons. The light switch is right under the alarm pad. As he was pushing buttons on the alarm pad I said, “Dean, can you turn the light off?” He paused and moved his hand to the light switch and turned the lights off. Then he went back to pushing buttons on the alarm pad. I asked if he could turn the lights on. He would touch the switch but never turned them on. I must have asked him to turn the lights off half a dozen times or so and every time he did it right after I asked. It was clear he was understanding what I was asking him.
It was an amazing moment for me. I was so proud of him. Every day I am acutely aware of how quickly they are growing. I love watching them grow and start to make sense of their world. I love seeing them learn and figure things out. I know that most parents feel a little sadness as their children leave babyhood. But I am finding that watching them grow and learn is so happy and exciting that the little tug of sadness I feel of their fading baby-ness is hardly noticeable. Maybe it is the teacher in me that finds so much joy in seeing a child learn and grow. Maybe I am different than other people. I relish their growing independence. I foster it as much as I can. Maybe it will be harder when they are teenagers and really pulling away from me. Or maybe it won’t be.
If you read my blog then you know I am horrible at responding to comments. I don’t mean to be. It is just that responding to comments is pretty much at the bottom of my priority list of things I need to accomplish in the day. At the end of the day, if I remember and if I am not dragging myself to bed, I sometimes find a few moments to email or respond on the blog to comments.
So there are some things that I never did get around to answering.
Halloween…was as uneventful as I had planned. The boys didn’t have costumes. They each had a halloween themed t-shirt that they wore that day. But by 7pm they were in bed, asleep, as normal. Nathan was watching the OSU vs Texas game (which involved much cursing and in the end he turned it off to watch baseball) and I was in the bedroom watching a movie. I know the year will arrive, maybe even next year, when the boys will want to dress up and trick-or-treat. But this year they had no idea and I took advantage of that!
H1N1 shots….were yesterday. It went as well as any shot can go I suppose. They hate laying down on the paper that covers the table. I think it is really loud in their ears and freaks them out a little. I know I don’t like that paper. But they also don’t like us making them to lay down. The nurse is fast and they have that moment of realization and you can hear it in their cries. But as soon as it is over we scoop them up and hold them and they stop crying immediately. Overall they take shots pretty well. I feel good knowing that the first shot is over with. I know they have a lower risk of actually getting H1N1 since they don’t go to daycare and I can control their environment pretty well, but I still worry.
I feel like I am missing a comment or two…my brain feels mushy this morning. Emory was in bed with us most of last night. He will have one or two really bad nights as a new tooth comes in and then he is fine. He is about to cut a bottom tooth. I think it will finally push through today and tonight should be a much better night. Dean on the other hand has 3 teeth (1 top, 2 bottom) all coming in at once. I think at least two of them have cut through. It is hard to see because he isn’t a big fan of me looking.
Last football game tonight. At least for district play. I think that some of you might be under the impression that I hope they win. You would be mistaken if you thought that. While I don’t want the boys to lose, I am ready for my husband to be home a little more. And going to playoffs just means another week that football season is prolonged. Wrong? I am sure it seems that way. Selfish? Yes. But I don’t think what I want really effects the outcome of the game that much.
Another busy day ahead. Yesterday afternoon our phone lines were cut AGAIN (that is the 2nd time this week). But they were fixed yesterday evening and I have tons of things to do today. And Fridays are always short! Have a great day!
Time is passing by at an alarming speed. So many little moments happen during my day. I am sure that I forget most of them. I feel like I never stop. My brain never pauses. Just when one is content the other one isn’t. I try to remember it all. One of the main purposes of my blog is to remember the small moments of my life. Right now those moments involve my boys.
A few things that I never want to forget…
- I love the way that Dean will rub his hand up and down my arm when I give him a bottle. I know it is soothing for him. It is just so sweet to feel his soft touch on my arm. It is his way of showing his love without words.
- When I get Emory up from a nap he likes to cuddle for a few minutes. Emory isn’t an overly cuddly little boy. When he does cuddle he dives in, grabs his cuddle, and then races off. But after nap, before he is completely awake, he likes to cuddle a little extra. He snuggles in close and lays his head on my shoulder and we hug. After a little bit he starts to giggle. That giggle turns to a laugh and then he picks his head up and looks me in the eye. He smiles and laughs and then lunges to get down. He is off again!
- I think that Dean is trying to figure out tickling. We always tickle their bellies. In the afternoons I sit on the floor to give them my full attention. They love this time and so do I. They climb over me and we laugh and play and have so much fun. One thing that Dean does every single day during our floor time is he pulls my shirt up to see my belly. He thinks this is so funny. He moves his fingers on my belly and looks at me expectantly. I think he is trying to tickle me. So I laugh and it makes him smile. And I would do anything to make them smile.
- Every morning Nathan gets the boys up. If he doesn’t bring them in to our bathroom to see me they find their own way. I hear them coming long before I see them. To see them turn the corner and smile and laugh and lift their arms up takes my breath away every. single. time.
- They are starting to build their brother relationship. I love watching it grow. During bath time Emory has started to engage Dean in a giggle-fest. Emory will lean forward to look at Dean in the face, kind of like he is peeking around his shoulder and just start laughing. Hard belly laughs. Dean will look at him like he is crazy and smile. Emory will sit back and go back to splashing or playing and then suddenly lean forward and look at Dean and start laughing again. This happens several times until Dean joins in the laughter. It is the cutest thing. I want to get it on video but the minute I turn on the camera they stop doing whatever it is I want to capture. Grrrr…
So many moments. I am so lucky to have them. So very, very lucky.
Today Ava turns 6 years old. I am her Auntie Ginger. I was there to take hundreds of pictures on her first day of life and then so many afterwards. She is so special to me. She was my baby when I didn’t have a baby. She was our flower girl at our wedding. She is am amazing and beautiful little girl. I don’t see her as often as I would like. Life is busy. But my love for her will never change! Happy Birthday sweet Ava!
In other news, the boys get their first round of H1N1 vaccine today. I am so glad. I would like to avoid H1N1 if at all possible. Their second round will be next month at their 15 month appointment. They have to get two rounds of the vaccine because they are so young…just like they did with the season flu shot.
Also, we are back up and running at work. It is such a relief!
Tonight and tomorrow are the last games of the regular high school football season. Hooray! If varsity wins tomorrow night they will be in the play offs. If they lose the other team will go to the playoffs. I wonder if you can guess what I hope will happen…???
Have a great Thursday!
