Saturday I announced to the world…the Facebook world anyway…that we are putting our house up for sale. We have been thinking about it for a long time. We knew it was coming at some point. The boys have a tiny bedroom….I have a tiny kitchen…the backyard is extraordinarily small…(are you sensing a theme yet?). We have looked at a few houses. I scour Zillow and MLS almost nightly.
We didn’t say anything because we wanted to let Debbie, our neighbor, know first. I won’t lie…we were hesitant after David passed because…well….just so many feelings there. But as the days passed by I started feeling sick to my stomach every time I thought about selling the house and how perfect the market is for selling right now. Finally, I told Nathan we just had to do it. We couldn’t pass up this market to get out from under this house so we can find something that fits us better. Eventually I will not have tiny boys anymore and they will need a bit more space. And with all the dietary changes I have made to my life and that I am slowly making for the rest of the people in my house…I just need a bigger kitchen. Cooking whole foods every night and baking bread and other bread products just calls for a bit more space.
So now the world knows. I am madly cleaning out the house and wiping baseboards and boxing up non-essentials so the house will look good for showing. We don’t want people to see how much crap we crammed in this tiny house! Plus, totally stuffed closets will just highlight how small those closets really are!
The plus side to all this packing is the purging that has taken place. I have lost track of the number of garbage bags thrown out. And Nathan has taken two FULL car loads to charity…and my charity pile is growing again. I have been fairly ruthless in my packing. There have been too many times I look at an item and think, “I do not want to pack this…more importantly, I DO NOT want to UNPACK this!”
I recycled binders full of curriculum and projects from undergrad. There were stacks of those big brown envelopes with carefully catalogued notes from countless science classes…fun things like invertebrate paleontology! The notes and projects from grad school followed the undergrad things. It was hard….those papers represented so much work…so many hours. But really, I am never going to look at those things again. I am never going to reread my notes or projects. And it isn’t like the boys would ever want to. (Now, if I had majored in bird studies or something, Emory might have been interested!) I took a deep breath and loaded it in the car to take to work for the recycling company we have come once a month. It was so freeing to gain that closet space back and to know that, in my next house, I won’t lose precious space to useless paper.
And suddenly…my house seems to much bigger! Amazing what purging and moving half of the boys’ toys to my parents’ house will do! :)
A down side to all this work and a future of moving out….it is very stressful for the boys. I always knew it would be. Dean’s sleep has been even more disrupted and he has less control over his emotions. It is impossible to question him though and get to the root of the problem so I just have to wait. Yesterday afternoon on our way home he finally asked me the question that I knew was the root.
“Mom…are they going to touch my stuff?”
And there it was. The idea of people in our house…people he doesn’t know and who don’t belong here….the threat that someone would touch or even take his things…it is just too much for Dean.
It isn’t much different for Emory either. He constantly asks if we get to take our things when we leave and today he expressed concern that strangers would know our address. We have recently been talking about all kinds of safety, including internet safety, where we don’t tell people private things (like our address).
Last night on the news they did a story about how quickly houses are selling. They said 1 in 10 sells in 72 hours or less….right now I am praying that we can be that 1!